Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Matrix

For those of you who don't know, I have the luxury of driving around in a 2003 Toyota Matrix.  I'll stop for a moment right there so everyone can take a moment to marvel in the life of luxury and oppulence I experience day to day....

Okay, moving on....as I said, I drive the Matrix.  Sounds cool right?  I mean, Keanu Reeves and Larry Fishburne are cool, and everyone loves action and the special effects we saw in "The Matrix" the movie.  Let me tell you what is not cool...a car called the Matrix.  Well, my car to be specific.  Since purchasing this bad boy about 3 years ago, I have put over 80,000 miles on it (gotta love being an outside sales rep).  Based on the US National average, cars are expected to have an average of 10,000-12,000 miles put on them in the course of a year...anything above that would be deemed "excessive" by industry averages.  Well, you know me...I am anything but average and as can be proven by the 26,000 per year I've managed to rack up on that bad boy.

In addition, Valvoline likes to tell me that I am supposed to drop $60+ on an oil change every 3000 miles too and will demonstrate said wishes by sending me harrassing "reminder" emails and putting a sticker at the top of my windshield every time I go in....ummm...no thank you.  That would be one every 45 days....promise. 

So, facts and statistics aside....let me tell you a little bit about the joys of driving this little car.  Miles aside, this car actually gets pretty decent gas mileage which bodes well for me in my job as a sales rep since I spend a good deal of time staring out this windshield.  That's about the only thing I really enjoy about it these days to be honest, and the sad part is that I often see other people driving these Toyota Matrixes and think how cute they are.  I look longingly into the windows of Matrixes that I see parked at the grocery store when I'm walking past.  They are actually great little cars!  Mine, however, is a dump. 

For starters, my dog has taken ownership of the back seat.  I can no longer use this area of the car as it is covered in blankets, sheets, towels, etc. for the dog to lay on, and those blankets, sheets, and towels are covered in dog hair.  It's basically a no fly zone.  Not only are the windows in the back seat covered with dog drool, slobber, and nose prints, but I don't even bother rolling the front windows down anymore because they create a swirling mess of dog hair in the car which brings hair not only into the front seat, but at times my mouth as well.  Yay for me.

my Sawyer's backseat

The other really awesome thing about my car is the tendancy for the hubcaps to fall off.  I seriously do not know what is up with this.  Through the course of the winter and early spring in 2010, I lost all 4 hubcaps at random times, leaving me with a pretty janked-up looking pile of crap to drive around.  That got old after a few months to not only me, but my family members, so my mom hijacked the old Matrix last summer and got 4 new ones put on.  Thanks Kelli.  Good news though.....sometime in March I walked out to my car and noticed the right back side was devoid of one of my precious less-than-a-year-old hubcaps.  Two weeks later, the front left side jumped ship as well.  Apparently my car did not like the asymmetry and needed to take action to balance itself out.  I have now gone through 6 perfectly shitty hubcaps and am forced with the insurmountable task of waiting for the other 2 to go missing so I can buy a new set of 4. 

You jealous yet??

Well, don't be, because you have yet to hear the coup de gras...this morning as I was leaving for work, I noticed this:

Aside from dirt and dog hair, what you are looking at is a console devoid of nearly all my CDs!  Apparently some asshole decided to help himself to all the CDs in my car (with the exception of one dropped under the car and a couples others) and rifle through my glove compartment (where I had more CDs for the taking).  In addition, said thief also stole 2 car chargers as well.  Seriously?  WTF??!!!

Don't worry though...among the 3 CDs that were left were "Data Disk 1" and "Kenzie's Mix" (Kenzie is my 15 year old sister) so I can still rock out in my car (note sarcasm).....yay for me.

 So, there you have it....another day in the luxurious life of me.  Happy Tuesday!


Anonymous said...

From my archives, "Been There Done That," I traded my first car (1969 Olds 442 convertable, 14 miles per gallon @ 42 cents per) for a tiny Toyota Corolla. It was kind of sporty with 5 speed manual transmission and after I threw out the hubcaps in favor of painting the wheels a glossy chrome color - I thought I had it all together! That car took good care of me for many years. Best thing you can do for now is to keep it clean and well serviced till the wheels fall off. Come back to Louisville sometime and I'll treat you to a sharp wheel painting!
Mike Lorenzen

Post a Comment

Life, Love and the Pursuit of Chocolate

Designed By:

Munchkin Land Designs
Designed by Munchkin Land Designs • Copyright 2012 • All Rights Reserved