14 days

Folks, watch out.  As of today, I am officially on the South Beach Phase one diet.  For the next 14 days, I will be cleansing by body of all the junk that is making me feel like a busted can of biscuits every time I get dressed.



The truth is that in the last 4 months, I have somehow managed to gain 5-10 lbs, and I have NO idea how or where it came from.  I feel like I eat pretty healthy, and I work out/run about 6 days a week.  I have even cut out alcohol during the week over the last month or two, and I still can tell my clothes are fitting a little different.  I don't think my eating habits have changed since this summer and I know my workout habits haven't changed so I am not sure what gives. 

Pics of me from this summer...would not be caught dead in public in these outfits right now.

 

And no....I'm NOT pregnant!  I know that's what some of you were thinking.

Anyways, I'm pretty much over feeling disgusting, and I know my husband is over hearing me complain about it when he says he can't tell a difference.  Time to take action....and this is what I'm trying.

No, I have not read the South Beach Diet book.  No, I have not done the diet before, nor have I done the cleanse before.  So why do I think it will work?  Because I googled it and printed out a food list of stuff I can eat.  It seems pretty reasonable, and not altogether different from what I eat now.  Basically it is a no carb, no sugar fast.  I'm cool with that.  I hope. 

So, at the risk of being a heinous, carb-deprived bitch for the next 14 days, I am trying this out.  Please pray for my husband...he'll need it.  Especially with the buckets of Halloween candy I have to give out on Wednesday.  Maybe pray that I don't scream at any small children while they are trick-or-treating too.  And also pray that I don't turn into Penny from Happy Endings by the second week.

So there you have it...if I seem a little irritable on the blog or other social media in the next couple weeks...well, this is probably why.  I'll keep you fellow readers updated on how I'm feeling during the next 14 days and if I see any improvement.  And now I leave you with another funny Penny clip from Happy Endings and something I could totally see myself doing....Thank the little baby Jesus this show is back...

Fall Faves ~ The non-fattening kind

Okay, so it's no secret that fall is my favorite season....mostly because I already told you that fall is my favorite season.  There's only one problem with that...fall tends to make me a bit of a whale.  Seriously though.  It's like my body gravitates toward these sweet treats that emerge in the fall and i think subconsciously tries to create a layer of extra padding to get me through the winter.  Not this year though.  This year I bought a wedding dress....and upon buying said dress, I was told "Now, you can lose all the weight you want, but you can't gain any weight."  Okay great.  No problem.  Losing weight is soooo easy for me (insert sarcasm here). 

So, with that careful reminder ringing in my ears everytime I shove another slice of pumpkin bread into my mouth, I had to start thinking about fall treats that aren't so bad for me.  For starters, I love me a 'lil Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks.  But guess what...those are terrible for you.  Sad but true.  So, in place of my latte, I found this little box of deliciousness:



That's right...it's Pumpkin Spice Tea.  And it's delightful.  I've been devouring these during the workday like nobody's business.  I like mine with one equal packet, and one shot of creamer.  And that makes it about 30 calories.  I shit you not.  Try it now...thank me later.

Next up is a little treat that I wait for all year.  That's right dear readers...it's the Honeycrisp Apple...and it's back. 



Seriously friends...if you have not had one of these...I am truly saddened for you.  Please stop reading this post and run up to Kroger where they are $1.99/lb right now and buy yourself one.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.  Just go.  Again, you can thank me later.  Not only are they 100% fruity goodness...they are also huge!  Pretty sure the one I ate today was bigger than my whole stomach.  Put a little peanut butter on it and you'll be full for 6 hours.  Plus, they are only in season in the fall, which makes them extra special.

If you are looking for a savory autumn treat, look no further than the acorn squash.  It's pretty much the easiest thing to cook and and accompanies whatever protein you are having for dinner beautifully.  I typically cook mine for about 45 minutes face down in some water and then add a little brown sugar and butter at the end.  A couple teaspoons of brown sugar is only 30 calories, and I buy low-cal butter with calcium.  It is sweet and savory and awesome.  Oh, and did I mention that they are easy?  Yeah I did...but I'll say it again.  You literally cut them in half and cook them.  I usually take a shower and watch something on my DVR while they're going.  Plus they make the whole house smell Ah-MAZE-Ing!



Want a delicious fall breakfast?  How about some plain oatmeal with some brown sugar and apple slices and dare I say some pecans thrown on top?  I do dare.  I do.  Since I don't have a lot of time in the morning, I get the plain oatmeal packets and warm them in the microwave.  I get the generic brand since it's cheaper....it tastes the same as quaker oats.  Promise.  Throw a little brown sugar, apples, and pecans on top and let the sugar melt while you pour yourself some milk.  Nevermind that I would eat brown sugar by the spoonful...that's beside the point.  This is a seriously good breakfast because not only is oatmeal great for your heart, but it's a good carb to have in the morning that will keep you full until lunch. 



Okay, so don't think I haven't forgotten about all of the yummy goodness sweet treats that are EVERYWHERE during this time of year.  I have not.  Well, guess what...a little splurge here and there is totally kosher (cut to me eating no less than 50 ginger snaps covered in pumpkin dip at my sister's baby shower this weekend).  But on the whole, I do my best to avoid them on the day to day.  That doesn't mean that I can't fill my house with the scent of yummy goodness.  I use the same logic here as I do when someone brings a box of Krispy Kremes into work...I can open the box and smell them, and that will be enough.  Let's face it...nobody ever got too big for their jeans over-smelling. 

 

Okay, so last but not least...and this is a good one.  One of the best things about fall is being able to be outdoors.  Not only is it gorgeous outside, but it is that perfect time of year when it's not too hot and not too cold.  If you're not a runner, it's a great time to try it out.  If you hate to run, go for a walk.  Yesterday I took my monster (the dog) for a 4-mile walk.  It was the best part of my day.  Today me and the boy ran 4 miles.  It was exhausting, but it was 35 minutes that felt great and it was a wonderful way to de-stress after a long workday.  Plus it's great time together that we get to talk.  And seriously...is there anything better than the bright orange, yellows, reds, and browns that are everywhere right now?  Umm, I think not.  And while I find running past obnoxious kids on skateboards quite annoying, I do love to see all the fall decor on all the houses in my neighborhood.  Just lovely. 



Anyways, that's just a few of the healthy things I am currently enjoying this fall.  After all, fall is by far the most fashionable of all the seasons, and I'll be damned if my legs get too big to fit into my skinny jeans and my zip up boots just because of one too many slices of pumpkin pie :-)

I blog, therefore I am?

Ummm, I legit have nothing to blog about.  I haven't taken any trips lately, accomplished anything or had any deep thoughts.  In short...I'm really boring.  My apologies to all my followers who I tricked into thinking I was interesting.  You've been duped....Suckers.

That said, this whole "I'm a pathetic loser who has nothing interesting to say"  thing really does not bode well for my blog.  I mean, if I am not blogging, then do I really exist?  I know, I'm like, super philosophical, right?  Haha...tricked you again!  I'm not philosophical at all. 

So with nothing interesting to say and no stories to tell, how about a recap of my week so far?  What'd you say? ....No???  Tough shit...that's what you're getting.

Sunday:

1. Breakfast

2. Followed up breakfast with an hour of self loathing after consuming more cinnamon rolls than I care to admit...

3. Tried to ride my dog like a horse since he is about the size of a minature pony. 

4. Dog didn't like it.

5. Target for the 3rd time in 2 days.  Yeah, for rizz. 

6.  Bought bedding...strangely enough, for the 2nd time in two days. 

7. Tried to make up with my dog for the earlier incident by letting him snuggle with my on the couch while I blogged and facebooked. 

Monday:

1. Overslept.  Clearly.

2. Work....work.....work....inappropriate conversation with co-worker....work....wordfeud....work...staring at my work computer....work....sort of working....phone calls....phone calls....work....brain death.

3.  After-work run, followed by heat stroke.

4. Pinot Grigio

5. Trip to Lowe's for paint where we saw a van that had been assaulted by Michael's craft stores and the GOP.

6. Painting at the boy's house.  We are de-boy-ifying his master bedroom so I stop having nightmares about his green walls eating me in my sleep. 

7. More Pinot Grigio.  Clearly.


Tuesday:

1.  Overslept.  Again.  Obviously.

2. Prospecting. Prospecting. Prospecting.  Prospecting.  Prospecting.  (i.e., working)

3. Lunch!

4. Prospecting...customer calls...work...nose bleed....work....email...email....email...e..n.d..l...e..s..s.....e..m..a.i...l..s...

5.  Went to the bathroom and got distracted by my own relection. 

6.  Had more fun emailing with a ring pop on my hand than without....

7.  Discovered my Rosebud Salve had been molested by the heat both in the office and outside.  Pretty sure it was averaging between 99 to one million degrees farenheit.

8.  Gym, where I was informed that someone there thinks I am the "White Kim Kardashian" which basically just means that I have blonde hair and a huge ass.  Awesome.

9.  Pinot Grigio, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Grigio.



So there you have it...my week so far....jealous?? 

Okay, so maybe not.  But the good news is that I'm linking up today with Flip Flops & Pearls for Semi-Wordless Wednesday so you can link up too and check out some posts that may actually be interesting. 






Happy hump day, Chocolate Lovers!

The Truth about Running

Okay, here's the deal.....like many of my dear readers, I was not born a skinny bitch.  I don't have that genetic make-up which allows me eat and drink whatever I want without the worry of gaining weight or having a muffin top.  I wish I was.  I really freakin' do.  The long of the short of it is that even if I eat a balanced, healthy, calorie-conscious diet, I still have to work out or else I WILL gain weight.  Period.  End of story. 

For whatever reason I decided that a great way to stay in shape was to take up running.  I always wanted to be a runner, but just never had the drive to do it.  So, a couple years ago I signed myself up for some local races and enlisted my family members to do them with me.  I figured if I was paying for them, I better get my ass in gear and start training...and train I did!  This past year, in the same races, I shaved over 14 minutes off my time in the Papa John's 10-miler.  Go me!  I'll admit I've had days (okay, weeks) where I have been seriously slacking in the running department and opted for the elliptical instead, but this summer I made a committment to myself that I would run no less than 10 miles a week, without fail.  And, I've been sticking to it, sometimes running anywhere from 15-17 miles in a week. 

But I've got a secret for you........

I hate running.

There, I said it.  I hate every mile of it.  Even though I've gotten better at it, and I've improved my time, and I'm in shape, I still. hate. running.  My knees hurt.  My hip hurts.  I'm often so tired I have daydreams of taking naps, but I run on.  Why do I do this to myself?  I keep hearing runners talk about this thing called a "runner's high".  Ummm....that does not exist.  This I can assure you.  The only "high" I get from running is when I can beat my boyfriend's time and rub it in his face.  That's pretty fun.  But other than that, not so fun. 

I'll admit that I love the feeling I get after a good run.  I'm energized and feel good about myself, and I love beating my old times and seeing the progress I've made over the last two years.  I will also admit that sometimes when I run on the treadmill at the gym, I imagine that there is a candybar (Almond Joy, to be specific) dangling in front of the machine and I am running towards it.  I know using chocolate as a motivator for working out may be counter-productive, but I'm sorry...It's an addiction.  My name is Taryn and I run for chocolate. 

So, despite my love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with running, I have decided once I reach 50 followers I am going to reward myself with a new pair of running shoes. (Don't worry sassy readers....I have also decided that if I ever reach 100 followers, I am doing a giveaway for you!  Oh, and it will be super fabulous because I'm super fabulous, and my readers deserve only the best!).  Side note...is it wrong that I'm "rewarding" myself with shoes that are meant solely (pun intended) to torture me into an activity which I despise for the most part.  What can I say...masochism is my thing. 

So, there you have it...tell yo kids, tell yo wives (don't hide 'em) that I need 14 more followers to get my new runnin' shoes.  Oh, and I only need 64 more followers to give away fabulous things.  Happy Monday!