Comforting Words

I guess you could call me a "runner".  I don't run marathons (yet) and I don't run a 7 minute mile...but, I run.  I run mostly to burn calories and because it's easy to do without driving myself all the way to the gym and back.  Sometimes I run because I ate something really bad for me and it makes me feel like I can cancel it out.  Sometimes a run is just a way to enjoy a beautiful day outside.  

But every once in a while, I run because I need healing.  Running is good for the soul.  I do my best thinking when I run because it's the only place where I am not distracted by anything else.  I can stick my ear buds in and tune out the world and concentrate only on putting on foot in front of the other.

About a month ago, I set my iPod onto shuffle and took off for a cold, snowy "clear-my-head" run.  It was a low place for me at the time I knew that 35 minutes of clarity and exercise was what I needed in that moment.  I feel like sometimes even though my iPod is on shuffle, it can read my mind and know EXACTLY what I need to hear.  That was what happened on this day.  

Regrets collect like old friendsHere to relive your darkest momentsI can see no way, I can see no wayAnd all of the ghouls come out to playAnd every demon wants his pound of fleshBut I like to keep some things to myselfI like to keep my issues drawnIt's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blindI can never leave the past behindI can see no way, I can see no wayI'm always dragging that horse aroundAnd our love is pastured such a mournful soundTonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the groundSo I like to keep my issues drawnBut it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah!And it's hard to dance with a devil on your backSo shake him off, oh woah!

I am done with my graceless heartSo tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restartCause I like to keep my issues drawnIt's always darkest before the dawn
I ran that day to one of my favorite Florence + the Machine songs and felt happy and sad at the same time.  At that dark moment, it struck a chord with me and the song took on new meaning.  I love how music can do that to us.  When I finished my run, I felt comforted.  I did something good for my body, mind and soul.  

I heard this song again on my way home from the gym the other day (ironically, from a run at the gym) and instead of tearing up like I did weeks ago, I felt very hopeful for the first time in a while.  

I'm ready to suffer, I'm ready to hope...

I guess maybe what I needed was a simple reminder of a dark time, and that good things lie ahead for me.    There's comfort in remembering that it's always darkest before the dawn.

Source: Uploaded by user via Meagan on Pinterest

Advice for my younger self

"If you could do it over again, would you?"

This question was posed to me by my husband on Saturday night over a delicious sushi dinner.  He was referring to my college years...if I could do them over, would I?  Of course, my initial answer was a resounding "Fuck no."  But upon further reflection, I edited myself.  If I could do college over, knowing what I know now, I would not.  I'm too happy with how my life is going to worry too much about mistakes I made when I was younger.  What I would do, if I could, would be to have a conversation with my younger self and impart some words of advice.

Yes, I am sharing this embarrassing photo of my college graduation with you for purposes of this post...please ignore chubby cheeks!

My first piece of advice...Don't wait to start taking care of yourself - body and soul.  I spent too many days with too little sunscreen, falling asleep in make-up, drinking soda, and tricking myself into thinking I was making healthy choices.  

Now, I wised up on sunscreen pretty quickly, but not before slathering tanning oil all over my body for a week straight in Ft. Lauderdale on spring break.  It's been years since I went outside for a sporting event or a day at the pool without SPF on my face and body, but signs of my days as a sun goddess are definitely noticeable on my face.  

Making healthy choices...well that took me a lot longer.  Even though I grew up active in sports and eating healthy (we were a "no soda, no junk food" house growing up), I spent a considerable amount of time trying undo poor food and exercise decisions through many of my college years.  For as much as I enjoy working out and running, I wish more than anything I hadn't waited so long to really push myself  to be more active.  Now if I go even a day without some type of exercise, I feel terrible.  It's sad thinking about all the time I wasted not feeling really good about myself, and enjoying the effects of the endorphins (and self-confidence) I have now!

Some guys won't be interested in you.  Don't sweat it, and move on.  I repeat, DON'T SWEAT IT and MOVE ON.  I really wish I had taken this advice more seriously as a young adult.  Now, don't get my wrong, I was not a crazy stalker or a stage 5 clinger or anything like that when it came to men.  But I will admit that I spent far too much time trying to de-code text messages and conversations with boys who I was dating.  I can remember times sitting with my girlfriends going over dates and conversations trying to get insight into whether a guy was interested.  I definitely spent too much time feeling sad over relationships that, if I was honest with myself, I did not get much out of anyways.

The older I got the more I adapted the "He's just not that into you" mindset.  It was incredibly liberating (as illustrated by Miranda Hobbs), and I hate that I didn't spend more time focusing on the next guy instead of the last guy.  Live and learn, I suppose.

Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.  You have nothing to lose.  This is a big one for me.  I know now that there is nothing to lose by walking up to that guy you've been eye-flirting with the whole night and introducing yourself.  I wish I had done that so much more.  For starters, confidence is sexy.  In my head, I was a pretty confident, kick ass gal, but when it came to putting it out there...not so much in the early days.  I mean, seriously...it took me 3 years of pissing around before I put myself out there enough to get my now husband to get it together and get serious about me!  

It's not just about men either.  When you think about it, how many opportunities for friendships have also passed me by just for fear of rejection or temporary discomfort?  How much could I have learned early on by simply asking for what I wanted?  Wouldn't it have been nice to have that nugget of advice from an older, wiser me when I was 18?  

Get off your ass and do something.  Had I known how helpful getting involved in groups and organizations would have been for my career, I wouldn't have been sitting on my ass watching Friends re-runs in my spare time.  Silly me.

I know it sounds like I may have a lot of regrets, but I really don't.  Doing what I did then got me where I am now and for that I am grateful.  But I'm not gonna lie, I think had I known then what I know now, I would have gotten to this place in my life a lot sooner.  

What about you?  Any words for your younger self??

It's Tuesday and I'm a Nerd

Greetings!  Welcome to my Tuesday...it's pretty random.

First things first....I think it's important for you to know that I am a HUGE loser.  Why, you ask?  Well, aside from the obvious - I feel it's important to tell you that I have read 5...FIVE....books in the last 7 days.  We are not talking about kids books or ones with only pictures.  We are talking about actual full-length novels.  This means that not only am I a giant nerd, I have been neglecting everything in my silly  life.  That includes meals, cleaning house, this blog, and unfortunately my husband as well.

Alternatively, my husband is now on the 3rd chapter of the book he began in mid-November.  He reads exactly seven sentences a night before falling asleep face down on his pillow. Clearly we are cut from 2 different cloths.

Even now, having just finished my most recent book choice, I am wondering what to read next.  I think I may have seen smoke coming off of my Kindle after that last download.  It's begging for rest.  But sadly, I am an addict.  And I am counting on some of my fellow bloggers to help feed my addiction.  How?  Book recommendations.  I need them.  I promise after this last one, I'll quit.  Maybe.

Source: Uploaded by user via Janet on Pinterest

Moving on....

I've had a hankering lately to make a big purchase.  What kind of purchase?  I'm not sure.  I have this itch to by myself something expensive, and have to remind myself daily, "Self, STFU...you just bought a car and need nothing else."  My Self is right.  I don't need anything.  But I want.  I want an expensive pair of sunglasses, a purse, a watch, new clothes, and to lose 10 lbs.

Okay, that last thing isn't a purchase, but I still want it.

Source: Uploaded by user via Lifetime TV on Pinterest

Have I come into money?  No.  Did I have a blow out commission in December?  Not so much.  The only explanation is that I've lost my mind.  Buying expensive things like that is so. not. me.  It's like I woke up on January 1 with an urge to set all my money on fire and read a bunch of crap.  Who am I?



Lastly, now that it is January and I am setting nicely into my seasonal affective disorder, I am hankering for a vacation to somewhere warm.  I need vitamin D in my life!  But alas we've come full circle because if I book a vacation, I'm going to want to buy expensive things to take on said vacation where I will ultimately lay on a lounge chair and read my books.  Clearly there is no helping me.

Source: readingforrobin.files.wordpress.com via Limeaide724♥TM♥ on Pinterest

That's pretty much all I got today.  I'm really sorry if you read this whole post.  It's was weird and random.  I blame it on the Novocaine from the cavity I had filled earlier.  I always ask for extra shots!

It's time to begin, isn't it?

Source: 3.bp.blogspot.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Happy new year, dear readers.  I am writing to you from my brand new MacBook Air my husband gifted to me for Christmas (lucky gal, I know :-))!  After spending the last 7 days in 4 different homes and 4 different beds, I am grateful for a quiet moment to collect my thoughts on the new year ahead of me.

2012 will always have a special place in my heart because it is the year I was lucky enough to marry my best friend.  I know that sounds utterly cliche, but at the end of the day, despite the struggles, the fallouts, the tears, and even all the joyous moments that occurred this past year, I will first think about my wedding and the happiness I felt on that day when I reflect on 2012.

Maybe you noticed, and maybe you did not, but I took a little blogger break for most of December.  It was a tough month for me, personally.  I believe a lot in timing, and I think God knew that I needed the break to really be grateful this Christmas - so that's what I focused my time and energy on.  And I am....truly grateful.

I am grateful for this man who I get to wake up next to everyday...and incidentally enough, I love more each day I wake up with him.

On Christmas Morning :)

I am grateful for my parents who want great things for me and for my mom who will drop everything and come take care of me when I'm sick.

Holding their gift from my sister and me on Christmas morning.

I am grateful for hard work and budgeting that allowed me to buy my first new car EVER a few days after Christmas!  (and most definitely happy that my husband can fit comfortably in this car!)

Getting ready to drive off the lot with my 2013 Mazda CX-5!

I am blessed beyond belief to have this little guy in my life this past year, and to celebrate as he turned 1-year-old on December 28!

Mason loves his Uncle Keith...he's like a giant pillow!

Even though we had planned to come home from Atlanta on Monday night, we ended up staying for New Years Eve and I am so happy I got to spend a quiet evening with my sister and our husbands reading on my Kindle and watching Jenny McCarthy act like and idiot on New Year's Rockin' Eve.  When the ball dropped, my husband gave me a kiss and we went to bed.  It was just as it should be.

I have had many moments in the last few weeks of reflection on my life and how blessed I am.  No matter what I allow myself to think in my moments of weakness and my moments of selfishness, I always come back to that.  I am ready for 2013.  I am ready to drive my new car and blog on this computer.  I am ready to put away my Christmas decorations and watch the snow fall.  I am ready to try out recipes from my new cookbooks and FaceTime with my nephews.  I am ready for new episodes of all my shows and for NFL Playoffs!  I am ready to celebrate my last birthday in my 20's (in March) and long for summer.  Mostly I am ready for a new year and a fresh start, and a chance to be a better person, better wife, better daughter, better sister and better co-worker than last year.

It's time to begin, isn't it?

Source: sedaduas.tumblr.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Shit Boys Say

Ever since those damn videos went viral, I don't think a week has gone by that I haven't gotten some response from my husband about some statement I've made that's "totally a 'Shit Girls Say' comment".  I think it's about time we highlight some of the Shit Boys Say that you'll pretty much never hear come out of my mouth.

"I'm really craving nachos right now."

"No, this is a V8 engine."

"I did legs yesterday...today is chest and back."

"Can we make, like, mini-pizzas for dinner?"

"You wanna play with my penis?"

"You want to go to O'Charleys?"

"I'm tired of relaxing...is there a project I can work on?"

"I'm going to clean out the garage on my day off."

"What the hell are we watching?"

"Can I play with your boobs?"

"What can I make for lunch today?"

"What are you making for dinner?"

"What do we have to eat around here?"

"No thanks...If I get hungry I'll just have a candy bar."

"Rite Aid had a great sale on vodka...I bought 2 bottles."

"Can you make that thing with the goat cheese?"

"Can I have a blow job?"

"I taped the Victoria's Secret Fashion show for you."

"I've been farting the whole time we've been on this run."

"Those jambox speakers would be cool for Christmas."

"I really want some new rims for my car."

"I don't need any new clothes."

"I'm gonna go poop...be right back."

"When you leave the room, can you please remember to turn the lights off?"

"That bitch is crazy."

"Should I do a Roth IRA or a Mutual Fund?"

"Wanna have sex?"

"I know you already told me, but what are we doing today?"

"Do we have any Doritos?"

"It was the dog that farted."

"I farted."

"You're so cute when you're mad."

"Should we get some buffalo wings to start?"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"One day, I'll own my own business...and I'll make bank."

"Yes, I've thought about what I'm getting you for Christmas."

"When is Christmas?  Like, what day?"

"Look what happens when I put my fingers in the dogs' nose..."

"It feels so good to itch my balls."

"Erin Andrews is so hot."

"Im out of gym shorts...can we do laundry tonight?"

"If I sweep the floor, will you play with my penis?"

"Your heels are like landmines on our bedroom floor."

"What's it like to be married to someone as sexy as me?"

"How come you never wear make-up anymore?"

"You're such a brat."

"I'm out of protein powder."

"I drank a RockStar so now I'm fine."

"Fish Oil is a crucial part of my vitamin regime."

"Smell this...is this still okay to eat?"

"I feel like you're mad about something."

"I thought 'extra virgin olive oil' and 'extra light olive oil' were the same thing."

"Tombstone is on.  Sweet!"

"I hate your car."

"I ate all the buffalo chicken dip."

"Can we have sex tonight?"



What shit do the boys in your life say? 

WILW - My Christmas List

Now that it's December, I no longer have to worry about pre-Christmas decorating and celebrating criticism.  I figure what better time to link up for What I'm Loving Wednesday - My Christmas List edition!

Now, I'm not delusional enough to think I will get all these things, but it's certainly the best time of year to day dream about boxes with bows and what might be in them.  Plus, if your mom is like mine, she starts pestering you in October about what you want for Christmas, so it sort of forces one to figure it out!

First up - a new handbag.  After purchasing my first Coach purse last spring, I am sold on high quality handbags.  I never though it was worth the investment...but it is!  My purse has been through the ringer and it looks great!  Of course, I now need a new fall color.  I've been eyeing some Michael Kohrs and Coach bags this season.

Source: macys.com via Taryn on Pinterest

Source: coach.com via Taryn on Pinterest

I'm well aware that I'm late to the party on this, but also wanting the Naked 2 pallete.

And because I cannot ask for new, clear skin for Christmas (I already asked my husband to get me that and he looked at me like I had 4 heads), I am really needing one of these sassy ladies...

Source: sephora.com via Izzy on Pinterest

This kind of stuff is nearly always on my list year after year...I rarely buy myself perfume even though I wear it every day!  My two favorite scents!

 

Source: sephora.com via Izzy on Pinterest

Source: bobbibrowncosmetics.com via Taryn on Pinterest

And of course, I would not hate to find anything from LUSH under the tree.  I seriously love just about everything I've tried from there...especially Dream Cream for my itchy skin in the winter and their heavenly bath bombs.  I'm relaxing just thinking about it.

Source: lushusa.com via Taryn on Pinterest

And of course...a gal can dream, right?  I've been lusting over several variations of this beauty for about a year now.  I love the rose gold tones.

Source: macys.com via Taryn on Pinterest

What's on your Christmas list this year???

Post-Giving

Happy Monday friends!  My apologies for being a little late to the "Thanksgiving recap" posts...I guess I over-indulged a bit over the holiday (4 pies, 3 boxes of GiGis mini cupcakes and an entire batch of pumpkin cookies with frosting - and I had my share of all of them) and needed a week to recover from food shame. 

I just wanted to share a few pics from our weekend.  I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and had some time in the midst of food and football for reflection on what it means to be truly thankful.

After spending the past 3 years in Georgia and Texas for the holiday, I was thrilled it was once again my parents who were hosting the festivities in Louisville.  We had about 20 people at our dinner and 17 players for our annual Thursday morning football game.  Last year my aunt got adorable aprons for all the gals and shirts for all the boys (the were going to the Texas vs Texas A&M game), I decided to order everyone gameday shirts this year.  I am happy to report that for the 5th year in a row, my mom was picked last by the team captains.  I am also happy to report that my team (The Wish Boners) won in a last minute touchdown play. 

After football, we all headed back to the house and showered up and hunkered down for some football.  I spent the rest of my morning working on a puzzle with my nephew and stuffing my face with chicken ball (sounds wierd, but its delicious).  We at dinner about 4:00, followed some rushed family photos before the sunset.

The whole crew!

The gals :)

Silly girl shot

Me and Husband

Close up...we like blue, I guess :)

Just my family!

All in all it was a wonderful weekend, and I wanted to cry when I had to get up at 6am on Monday.  Needless to say, the past week has been about begging my body for forgiveness.  After 3.5 weeks on the south beach diet leading up to Thanksgiving, even my 4 mile daily runs throughout the weekend did not make up for all the sweets.  No regrets though...holidays only happen once a year!