Thursday, January 17, 2013

Comforting Words

I guess you could call me a "runner".  I don't run marathons (yet) and I don't run a 7 minute mile...but, I run.  I run mostly to burn calories and because it's easy to do without driving myself all the way to the gym and back.  Sometimes I run because I ate something really bad for me and it makes me feel like I can cancel it out.  Sometimes a run is just a way to enjoy a beautiful day outside.  

But every once in a while, I run because I need healing.  Running is good for the soul.  I do my best thinking when I run because it's the only place where I am not distracted by anything else.  I can stick my ear buds in and tune out the world and concentrate only on putting on foot in front of the other.

About a month ago, I set my iPod onto shuffle and took off for a cold, snowy "clear-my-head" run.  It was a low place for me at the time I knew that 35 minutes of clarity and exercise was what I needed in that moment.  I feel like sometimes even though my iPod is on shuffle, it can read my mind and know EXACTLY what I need to hear.  That was what happened on this day.  

Regrets collect like old friendsHere to relive your darkest momentsI can see no way, I can see no wayAnd all of the ghouls come out to playAnd every demon wants his pound of fleshBut I like to keep some things to myselfI like to keep my issues drawnIt's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blindI can never leave the past behindI can see no way, I can see no wayI'm always dragging that horse aroundAnd our love is pastured such a mournful soundTonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the groundSo I like to keep my issues drawnBut it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah!And it's hard to dance with a devil on your backSo shake him off, oh woah!

I am done with my graceless heartSo tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restartCause I like to keep my issues drawnIt's always darkest before the dawn
I ran that day to one of my favorite Florence + the Machine songs and felt happy and sad at the same time.  At that dark moment, it struck a chord with me and the song took on new meaning.  I love how music can do that to us.  
When I finished my run, I felt comforted.  I did something good for my body, mind and soul.  

I heard this song again on my way home from the gym the other day (ironically, from a run at the gym) and instead of tearing up like I did weeks ago, I felt very hopeful for the first time in a while.  

I'm ready to suffer, I'm ready to hope...

I guess maybe what I needed was a simple reminder of a dark time, and that good things lie ahead for me.    There's comfort in remembering that it's always darkest before the dawn.


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