Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Buffalo Chicken Dip Incident

Okay, so something happened over the holidays that I haven't had a chance to post about yet, but has come to be referred to around our household as "The Buffalo Chicken Dip Incident".  Please bear with me as I attempt to explain myself.

So, have you ever had one of those moments where you know you're reacting completely irrationally but you can't help yourself?  Like, you're almost floating above your body and watching yourself all while thinking, are you seriously doing this?? Well, I unfortunately do have those moments, and one of them happened on December 22.  Let me start from the beginning.

The Thursday before Christmas was my last day of work for the year, and to say I was sooo ready for it would be a gross understatement.  When I got off work on that Thursday, I did my usual thing - went to the gym and then got ready to head home for the night and pour myself a glass of wine the size of Texas.  Just as I was leaving the gym, I remembered that the boy had a potluck at his work the following day, and of course being culinary-challanged, I knew it would be my responsibility to send him to work with something if there was any hope at it being edible.  Luckily, my gym is right next to a Kroger so I ran in and decided to grab him something for the potluck.  While I was in there, I also picked up a few other groceries for dinner and was browsing the deli and cheese area when I noticed something out of the ordinary - The Buffalo Chicken Dip was on manager special.  Let me preface this buy saying that I love buffy chicken dip (who doesn't)....but I pretty much never eat it.  While I do splurge every now and then, I really do eat healthy and I shop healthy too.  But tonight, for some reason the dip was calling me.  I threw it in my basket and grabbed some tortilla chips and decided since it was on manager special, it was probably at least half the calories too....Anywho...I got home and made the boy and me a nice (healthy) dinner and threw some of that yummy goodness in a bowl and warmed it up for us to share.  Oh, and by "share," I mean I got 2 bites and he ate the rest before I could blink.  No biggie though since we still had the other half in the fridge for later. 

Cut to Friday morning, December 22.  I was off work, but got up with the boy anyways since I had a ton of stuff to get done before heading home to my parent's house that evening.  I made K a big breakfast, and got out the ham and turkey roll-ups I had gotten for his potluck so he wouldn't forget them.  "I didn't pack you a lunch today (yes sometimes I pack him a lunch) since I figured there would be tons of food at the office.  Is that cool?" I asked him.  He agreed and thanked me for being awesome and I went and got ready to take care of my errands. 

I jetted out the door by 9:00 that morning and headed to the mall.  Most of my Christmas shopping had already been taken care of, but there were a few lingering gifts that I had to take care of that day.  So there I was at the mall on December 22...pretty much the last place on earth I wanted to be.  Then I had to go to Joseph Beth and pick up a book for my dad.  Then I remembered I promised my mom I would pick up wine for the weekend and bring it home with me, so I went to the liquor store.  Then I ran into Kohl's to grab one more thing for my sister.  Before I knew it, it was approaching 3:00, and I was pretty much about to eat my own arm.  As I was circling the Kohl's parking lot trying to find a spot I started thinking about that buffy chicken dip sitting in my fridge.  I'm not gonna lie...I was thinking about it a lot.  And every second I thought about it, I got that much hungrier.  Then a scary thought ran through my head - What if the boy ate the rest of it before he went to work??  I cringed at the thought but figured I needed to find out before my craving got any stronger.  So I text him, "Did you eat the rest of that buffalo chicken dip?".  His reply was swift. "No." he wrote.  I was in the clear.  I checked out at Kohls and headed home to wrap my gifts and feed my craving. 

When I got home, I boxed up the gifts I had bought that day and stacked them on top of the already enormous pile of unwrapped gifts that I had been intending to wrap for about a week.  I labeled all the boxes so I didn't get them confused and turned on my favorite Christmas movie - Love Actually.  The plan was to get everything ready to wrap, then grub, then finish wrapping and pack for my parents house.  I grabbed some tortilla chips and went to the fridge to get the dip... wasn't there.

I checked behind the milk.  I checked the crisper drawers.  I checked the egg tray.  I checked the trash.  Then I checked again.  It was gone.  I began to worry I was losing my mind, or at least having some type of mild stroke.  I didn't eat it, and the boy didn't eat it, so where the hell was it??  I text the boy - "Did you take that buffalo chicken dip to work?" I asked.  Another swift reply - "Yeah." 

And this, friends, is what they call The Shit Hitting the Fan.  This is also where my rational mind floats up out of my body and laughs silently at me while watching the next series of events.  I kid you not when I say that I lost it.  I had, after-all, asked him if he had eaten it and he said no.  Apparently he thought he would get off on a technicality.  Wrong.  I yelled screamed at him.  I don't even remember everything that was said.  I may have blacked out from anger.  I threw in phrases like "Lie by omission" and "Why the f*ck would I call and ask about the food in our fridge if I didn't have intention of eating it."  He, of course, thought I was bat-shit crazy which only made me angrier.  How did he not get it?  Has he never had that moment where he was craving something...something that he knew was waiting for him in his fridge...and come to find out that someone else had eaten stolen it?  He also did not understand why I didn't just get over it and pick some more up at the store.  I'll tell you why...because we live in Nicholasville and we have the shittiest Kroger in the world by our house that doesn't sell the buffy dip in question.  Nor does the next closest Kroger to us.  Nope.  You have to drive by 3 Krogers to get to the one that sells it.  Another reason why I asked him before I headed home.  I could have picked more up had I known. 

I think my stream of explatives went on for about 10 minutes before I finally got off the phone with him (from sheer disgust) and did what any normal 27 year old girl does after something like this.  I called my mom.  And I cried. Yes, for shame.  I cried.  Over buffalo chicken dip.  I explained to my mom how I woken up early and made him breakfast, made sure he had what he needed for his work potluck, and then had spent all day running around Lexington like a crazy person 3 days before Christmas, finishing up my Christmas shopping and running errands.  I hadn't done one thing that day for myself.  I hadn't even showered.  And the one thing I wanted in the whole damn world was the $2.00 dip I bought the night before.  And I couldn't have it.  She totally got it.  We both knew it was irrational, but some things can't be helped.  "So what are you going to eat now?" she asked.  "Nothing.  I had my stomach set on the dip and now nothing sounds good!" 

I wish it had ended there, but sadly it didn't.  While I was on the phone with my mom, the boy beeped in and left me a voicemail.  I thought it would be at least some kind of apology for misleading me about the stupid dip, but it was actually a stern message about how he "didn't appreciate" me calling him at work and screaming at him about something so stupid.  A serious mistake on his part.  Why don't boys learn??  For the next 4 hours it was the silent treatment until we had yet another argument about the message and finally agreed that there was no resolution since he thought I had lost my mind, and I was already watching reruns of "Snapped" on Oxygen and taking notes in my journal. 

Obviously I got over it, and even while it was happening, I was 100% aware of how ridiculous of an argument it was.  But I am curious if I am truly a ridiculous as I am sure I come across in this post, or if anyone else has had a moment like this when you lose it over something you know is dumb.  Have you ever had one of those days?  More importantly, is any of my reaction to this incident justified?  Help me settle this debate - even though we are laughing about it now, we are still in disagreement over the whole thing, so I am interested in what some of my rational readers have to say!
By the way...tomorrow is Friday.  Thank goodness!!!!!!


Amanda said...

Yes, I just read the ENTIRE story. And yes, I have had these moments too, but they become less frequent (thank goodness). I think this is a great story to look back at and laugh! Hope you have a wonderful weekend, Taryn!

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