Everything I know, I learned from Cher Horowitz...

 I think Clueless might be the Holy Grail of teenage girl movies.  I weep for young girls growing up now who don't have the luxury of popping this bad boy into the VHS player and learning valuable life lessons from Cher Horowitz.  When I really think about growing up and my teenage years, I have to admit, Cher taught me a lot....not just about fashion (duh)...

...but she also taught me some valuable lessons on politics.  I mean, who can forget about this little gem...

"So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much."

Well said Cher.  You were definitely on to something there.  I would totally party with the Hatians (thats "Hate-ee-ans", NOT "Hay-shens").  I'm pretty sure she had some wise words about violence on TV as well...words to live by.

Need a driver's license?  One needn't bother with Driver's Ed.  Cher, Dionne, and Murray can teach you more about safe driving in 2 minutes than anyone at the DMV ever could.  Promise.




Want to find a good man?  Cher knows how...

"Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex."

"Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good."

 Oh, and don't worry, Cher always knew what to do once you landed that hot date...her advice:

 “He said he’d come over with some video tapes and we’d watch them. A night alone with Christian! I sent for reinforcements. Then, Dee and I had to design a lighting concept, and costume decisions. I don’t rely on mirrors, so I always take polaroids. Whenever a boy comes, you should always have something baking.”

And sometimes, growing up, I found myself in a crisis situation.  I always turned to Cher.  Not only does she stay cool in a crisis, but she looks great doing it.  Take the below for example, where Cher keeps it cool, while held at gunpoint.

Cher: "Oh no...you don't understand.  This is an Alaia (referring to her dress)."

Robber: "An a-what-a??"

Cher: "It's like, a totally important designer."

Robber: "And I will totally shoot you in the head.  Get down!"

 I also recall many a book report in high school where Cher always came to my rescue.  I mean, after a while, everything by Bill Shakespeare starts to run together....thank goodness for Clueless, lest I lose my straight A average...

Heather: "It's just like Hamlet said, 'To thine own self be true'"

Cher: "Umm, Hamlet didn't say that..."

Heather: "I think I remember Hamlet accurately."

Cher: "Well, I remember Mel Gibson acurately, and he didn't say that.  That Polonius guy did."

...and of course....

"It's like that book I read in 9th grade that said, 'Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people'..."

Let's also not forget that it was Cher who taught us all the proper etiquette at social gatherings...

"Let's  do a lap before we commit to a location."

I think me and Cher could totally be BFF, not only is she two scoops of adorable, but she helped me with life lessons I can still use today...just ask Whitney.  She and I pulled up to fall meet at Keeneland a few years ago when it was raining and said to the men in the green jackets, "Like, ummm....where's valet?"  What else were we to do in that situation but ask ourselves, WWCHD? (What would Cher Horowitz do?).

Anyways, thanks for letting me relive valuable Clueless lessons today from one Miss Cher Horowitz.  I'll be seein' ya...I hope not sporadically.