Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Thank God for U-Scan...

Do you ever have those moments walking through the grocery store when you look down at your cart or your basket and realize the items you are buying are completely ridiculous?  This happens to me on a regular basis.  Due to the fact that I live about 45 seconds away from Kroger, I find myself there a minimum of two times a week, usually just running in to grab 2 or 3 items.  I know you may be wondering why I don't just go once a week and get everything I need...well that would be way too easy and save me way too much time.  But more importantly, it would prevent me from the grocery store "walk-of-shame" that I so look forward to when I bring my items to the register.  All I have to say is THANK GOD for U-Scan.  For realz.

Because I have no shame, I will share with you a brief list of things I have gone to Kroger to buy in the last year....

  • Dog food and Cole Slaw (last night actually)
  • Tampons and Ice Cream (if this doesn't scream "don't cut me in line or I will cut you because I am PMSing" I don't know what does)
  • Cat litter and Gas-X (ummm....yeah)
  • Cat food and butter (I have no doubt shoppers watching me check out were thinking "There goes the old cat lady, on her way home to eat a tub of butter and feed her 27 cats")
  • Tampons, cat litter, ice cream, and a Cosmo magazine (this purchase actually required an accompanying text to mom, sister and girlfriends to let them know I was officially a pathetic loser)
  • Pepto-Bismol (okay, not so bad, but it was at about 11:00pm on a Friday night....so much for 'date night')
  • Monistat and Margarita Mix (hey, I said I had no shame...)
  • Jumbo 24 pack of toilet paper and a package of gum (because I don't want my mouth to be jealous of how clean my bum is...lol)
  • And finally....condoms and a scented candle (sorry mom)....and it should be noted that at Kroger, you have to ask the pharmacist to unlock these goodies from the case only adding to your shame.
So there you have it...when I say "the un-fabulous life...." I really mean it.  I won't even get into the fact that there is a Kroger Wine & Spirits right next to me as well...I may or may not have woken up from a nap and gone there in my pajamas, slippers and sleep lines (for serious) on my face to buy a bottle of wine....seven or eight times....but that's neither here nor there....


Frootie! said...

Condoms and Bananas. Yeah.

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