Thursday, May 19, 2011

The 4 C's....

No, I'm not talking about diamonds (sad face)....I'm talking about the real 4 C's...the one's I know well.  Too well. 

Cookies.  Candy.  Cake.  Chocolate.

I love them.  I hate them.  I want them.  Damnit I hate them again!

Here's the point, folks...I have a sweet tooth.  A big one.  It's to the point where I cannot keep sweets in the house at all.  Or else this happens....

....please tell me someone else has experienced this kind of shame before and I'm not alone.  On a daily basis I find myself silently (and sometimes not so silently) cursing the universe for not being born one of those stick figure girls who can eat anything.  I have to work really hard to maintain my physique and to be honest it still needs a lot of work!  Ugh!

Don't get me wrong...I do enjoy a splurge meal every now and then or a cup (okay maybe a bucket) of Orange Leaf here and there, but anything beyond that becomes a problem.  I have NO self control. Enter the reason why I cannot keep sweets in the house.

I continue to be amazed by people who have this whole "self-control" thing figured out.  Take my friend Whitney, for example.  Everytime I go to her house, she has either a bowl of Starburst Jelly Beans or a package of Peppermint Patties that never seem to deplete!  How does she do this??????  It's not even my house and within a minute and a half of being there I have consumed 2 handfuls.  What is wrong with me??  These things wouldn't last two days in my presence.  Okay, who am I kidding....they wouldn't last an hour. 

Even my boyfriend has this hideous "self control" trait as well.  He has (literally) bags of candy and chocolate sitting at his place that he NEVER touches!  Seriously, I didn't even know chocolate had the ability to go bad until I met him and dug into a bag of m&ms he had in his kitchen.  They were that old.  WTF?  I guess in my presence chocolate never gets a chance to go bad.  The first thing I do when I walk into his house is get a piece of really, just ask him.  In my head, I've even started referring to his place as "the place where I go to get fat".  For realz.

On rare occasions I do rationalize a 4 C's purchase at the grocery store but almost always in single servings.  A few weeks ago I had a root canal and decided that I "needed" an entire gallon of frozen yogurt at the house to get me through it.  Ummmmmm.....well I'm not sure what happened, but I must have blacked out because when I came to, the gallon was half gone and I had to dispose of it in the outside garbage so as not to continue down the path of self-shame and finish the rest. 

Take the below sequence of events, for example. 

Let's all have some cake!

Mmmm...cake is yummy...

Hey can you all keep it down, I'm trying to eat my cake...notice everyone has backed away from the cake now...I probably growled at them like a dog when someone gets too close to his food bowl.

Finally came up for a breather...but wait....

Apparently not done with the eating of the cake...if this isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is....

So there's the proof...chocolate is my lover and cake is my mistress.  Feel free to check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic right alongside Miranda Hobbs....


Keith said...

Babe... should I be worried for the trick or treaters when they come to my house? I don't want you ambushing them from the shrubs. Kids will be running down the street screaming "mommy save me from the crazy chocolate lady" lol. Love ya babe.

PinkLouLou said...

How much fun are you?? love it!!

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