14 days

Folks, watch out.  As of today, I am officially on the South Beach Phase one diet.  For the next 14 days, I will be cleansing by body of all the junk that is making me feel like a busted can of biscuits every time I get dressed.



The truth is that in the last 4 months, I have somehow managed to gain 5-10 lbs, and I have NO idea how or where it came from.  I feel like I eat pretty healthy, and I work out/run about 6 days a week.  I have even cut out alcohol during the week over the last month or two, and I still can tell my clothes are fitting a little different.  I don't think my eating habits have changed since this summer and I know my workout habits haven't changed so I am not sure what gives. 

Pics of me from this summer...would not be caught dead in public in these outfits right now.

 

And no....I'm NOT pregnant!  I know that's what some of you were thinking.

Anyways, I'm pretty much over feeling disgusting, and I know my husband is over hearing me complain about it when he says he can't tell a difference.  Time to take action....and this is what I'm trying.

No, I have not read the South Beach Diet book.  No, I have not done the diet before, nor have I done the cleanse before.  So why do I think it will work?  Because I googled it and printed out a food list of stuff I can eat.  It seems pretty reasonable, and not altogether different from what I eat now.  Basically it is a no carb, no sugar fast.  I'm cool with that.  I hope. 

So, at the risk of being a heinous, carb-deprived bitch for the next 14 days, I am trying this out.  Please pray for my husband...he'll need it.  Especially with the buckets of Halloween candy I have to give out on Wednesday.  Maybe pray that I don't scream at any small children while they are trick-or-treating too.  And also pray that I don't turn into Penny from Happy Endings by the second week.

So there you have it...if I seem a little irritable on the blog or other social media in the next couple weeks...well, this is probably why.  I'll keep you fellow readers updated on how I'm feeling during the next 14 days and if I see any improvement.  And now I leave you with another funny Penny clip from Happy Endings and something I could totally see myself doing....Thank the little baby Jesus this show is back...

The ugly side of horse racing

Source: google.com via Taryn on Pinterest

One of the best things about living in Kentucky is, by far, getting to take part in the sport of horse racing.  No one does big hats, bourbon and betting better than folks in Kentucky.  It's a privilege to be among this sport, but it can also be devastating at the same time. 

This past weekend we spent a beautiful day at Keeneland tailgating by the fire pit and drinking bourbon and mimosas.  Since my in-laws were in town, we wanted to treat them to a day at the fall meet since it is a staple around Lexington and one of our favorite things to do this time of year. 

The day started off wonderfully...a little cold, but nothing a nice fire can't help with!  We grilled tri-tip steaks and ate and enjoyed the company of those we so rarely see.  After a couple hours of cornhole and tailgating, and watching the first 3 races from outside the track, husband and I decided to go in and place our bets for the next few races. 

While the rest of our gang stayed outside we made our bets for the 4th race based largely on the names of the horses and my intrinsic need to bet at least one long shot in each race.  We settled in to watch the races in the Mezzanine bar...me with my wine and husband with his bourbon (which he snuck in via his boot).  The boy picked the winner in the first race and tripled his first bet...a great start to the day!  I was disappointed to see that my horse, along with one other, did not even finish the race.

We thought nothing more of it and enjoyed the rest of our afternoon among the winners and losers at the race track.  Just before our last race, we finally met up with my brother who had decided to join in the fun of losing money.  He asked us if we had heard what happened after we left our tailgate....we had not heard a thing.

He began to tell us the story, in way to much detail, about an injured horse that had a significant affect on the members of our families.  We left after the next race and rejoined our parents at the tailgates, asking what had happened in their own words. 

I stood with my dad as he told me about the race they had watched right after we left the tailgate.  You see, we always pick a particular spot outside the track where you can stand and watch the horses go by right in front of you.  It's perfect because you can enjoy the beauty of the track without ever having to go inside.  Each time a race would get ready to run, everyone would move toward the fence to watch and cheer. 

But this time was different.  During the 4th race, 2 jockeys had been thrown from their horses....directly in front of my dad and my husband's parents.  One of the horse kept running, sans jockey, but the other horse was hurt....very, very hurt.

The medic van which follows right behind each race was out and tending to the jockeys instantly.  But the horse medics were nowhere to be found.  Our families stood in horror as they watched the remaining horse, confused, scared, and trying to stand on a leg that was no longer attached by any bone...only skin.  Time must have stood still while onlookers held their breaths in sick horror waiting for any sign of a medic for what was once a beautiful thoroughbred.  Without even thinking, my Dad....my hero....jumped over the fence and onto the track to stop the horse from trying to move and to comfort him.  For minutes he stroked him and talked to him until, after what seemed like and eternity, the horse medic finally arrived.  They immediately gave the horse a shot and moved him into the van, without a word to my Dad who was there when they weren't.

I listened as my Dad told this story while I watched my husband comfort his mom as she cried and recounted it for him.  I felt sick.  Literally...sick.  Not only hearing the story of what they were going through while we were inside enjoying ourselves, but watching my dad (who in my 28 years, I have never seen shed a tear) break down and cry telling me about this horse that he comforted in what we have no doubt were some of the last moments of his life.  His injuries, without a doubt, would call for him to be euthanized. 

Even as I sit here and type, I am holding back tears thinking of the recounting of what happened and feeling both relief that I wasn't there to witness for myself and sickness over wishing I was so I could have done something, even just comfort my mother-in-law or my Dad as the events transpired.  All who witnessed it said they will never, ever forget that moment and what they saw. 

I could not be more proud of my dad for what he did for that horse.  I have no idea where the medics for the horse were or why they took so long, but my dad did not hesitate...he jumped over that fence and offered what little comfort he could provide for a beautiful animal which we so take for granted every time we watch them race. 

Source: google.com via Erica on Pinterest

I left the track feeling very grateful for my dad and for my sweet animals at home who provide us with not only companionship, but also a huge dose of joy on a daily basis. 

 

Funkytown

Do you ever feel like you are in a total funk?  Like everything is just so....blah?  I am definitely in Funkytown right now.  Blog Funkytown.  Over the past few weeks I feel like I haven't had much to say or even the time to say it. 

Sometimes I don't know what to make of my little blog.  I want it to be fun and original, but sometimes my brain turns into a runny egg, and when that happens, I just can't find the ideas or the words to "create".  What then?  I want to blog more frequently, but I put so much time and energy into each post that if I don't think I can write it the way I want it, then is it even worth it?  I don't know.  Does any of that make sense?  Does anyone else feel this way??

Of course, I am so grateful for each of my wonderful followers, especially the people who have been reading from the beginning.  It's a wonderful thing having people on this journey with me.  But....sometimes I write things and I feel like once I hit "publish" these words go out into the black abyss and I'm not sure they mean anything or if they have even been read.  Is that silly?  Does anyone ever have that feeling like you're living in a TV that's always on and you want to walk up to the screen and say "Knock, knock...anybody home??"  Maybe it's just me.

I've also been trying to sort through whether or not to work on actively growing my blog.  I struggle with this because I have thought about sponsoring other blogs before but felt that it wouldn't be fair if I couldn't devote my time to really working on my blog.  Now that my wedding is over, my time has freed up quite a bit, but I still have the problem of this crappy little computer I work on.  I mean, uploading pictures on this thing is a total joke.  It's very time consuming.  And I am equally impatient.  Like, get mad and throw my computer impatient.  It hasn't happened yet, I sometimes I can visualize myself doing it.  Like right now...

I honestly don't know why I'm sharing all of this with you...maybe in hopes that one of my fellow bloggers "gets it".  I am also curious for you loyal, wonderful readers...what kind of posts do you enjoy reading most?  What do you want to know about me/my life??  What makes you laugh?  How do you maintain your originality when you are creating your posts?  Have you made the decision to sponsor other blogs...was it worth it? 

Have you ever been to Funkytown?

P.S...This inspires me...

It's Friday!!!

Because it's Friday.....

I can honestly say it has been a crazy, busy week and I am exhausted.  The good news is that I have been so busy that the week flew by and it is now time (well, in a few hours) for a bitch to get drunk!

Since I have been pretty adamantly sticking to my new rule of no drinking during the work week, I have started a new routine of driving straight to the liquor store on my way home from work, with my mouth practically watering.  I may have also been known to fill up a glass of white wine with ice cubes because after 4 days without the juice, I am too iimpatient to chill my wine.  Because I'm super classy like that. 

Along with a crazy week with lots to do and a lot of windshield time (I'm in sales after-all), this week was particularly stressful because someone brought several boxes of donuts into our office yesterday.  Who would do that to me?  Talk about inconsiderate.  Fortunately for me, we don't work in a high rise building.

To top it off, several fun-sized bags of M&Ms and snickers found their way into our office kitchen today and will soon find their way into my mouth.  Thanks for that.  Nothing "fun-sized" about my weakness for chocolate or my ass. 

Anywho, hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! 

Good Wife's Guide - 2012 Edition

I think by now most of us have at one time or another seen the 1950's article, The good wife's guide, that was published in a 1950s issue of Good Housekeeping....gag me, I know.  While it's kind of funny to go back and re-read those silly articles from back then, I think it's about time that I made a few edits to those old school rules...you know to keep up with the times.  So, without further ado, here is my 2012 version of The good wife's guide.

1955 Rule: Have dinner ready.  Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return.  This is a way of letting him know that you've been thinking of him and are concerned about his needs.  Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2012 Rule:  Have a drink ready.  Plan ahead and make sure you have his favorite cheap bourbon fully stocked.  This is a way of letting him know that you're planning on getting sauced, and it's more fun if he's drinking too.

1955 Rule: Prepare yourself.  Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

2012 Rule: Prepare yourself.  Take 15 minutes to survey the house for things he was supposed to clean/put away before work but forgot.  Put on sweatpants and get comfy.  You've had a long day with work-weary people and you're ready to yell at someone.

1955 Rule: Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.  His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

2012 Rule: Be a little gay and more interesting for him.  He'll be eager to discuss the latest drama at your office, facebook politics, and any other gossip you may have picked up on during your day.  He's been with other professionals all day and could use a break from "work talk" to discuss your day.

1955 Rule: Clear away the clutter.  Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

2012 Rule: Clear away the dishes he left in the sink from breakfast.  Make a mental note to condescendingly remind him how the dishwasher works in case he needs a refresher.

1955 Rule: Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a cloth over the tables.

2012 Rule:  Gather up all the shit he owns that you don't like and throw it away before he gets home.  Run through his drawers and grab up old boxers, t-shirts, and socks he insists on wearing, despite being riddled with holes.  Throw those away too.

1955 Rule: Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by.  Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.  After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

2012 Rule: Over the cooler months, prepare a basket of your favorite lotions and leave them in the main room of the house.  Your husband will know that this is a haven of rest for your tired feet and he would do well to massage them.  After all, watching him cater to your comfort will provide you an immense amount of personal satisfaction.

1955 Rule: Prepare the children.  Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes.  They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.  Minimize all noise.  At the time of his arrival, eliminate all the noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.  Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

2012 Rule: Prepare the dogs.  Send your husband a warning message letting him know they've been barking their heads off all night and their allergies are causing their eyes to profusely drip.  Let him know you're exhausted and it's his responsibility to deal with them when he gets home.
 
1955 Rule: Be happy to see him.

2012 Rule:  Be happy to see him, but let him know he's already on thin ice.

1955 Rule: Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

2012 Rule:  Greet him with a warm smile that lets him know if he plays his cards right, you may consider letting him have the sexy time. 

1955 Rule: Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

2012 Rule: Listen to him.  You may have a dozen things to nag him about, but it's important to let him talk first as this allows you to not only build up your case against him, but ensures you'll also have the last word.

1955 Rule: Make the evening his.  Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you.  Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

2012 Rule: Make him think the evening is his.  You'll both know it's really not.  Allow him to go out with friends for wings and beer...for a price.  Use this as leverage to get something else you want. 

1955 Rule: Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

2012 Rule: Your goal: Try to make your home a place of peace, order and tranquility so your husband knows just how good he has it with you.

1955 Rule: Don't greet him with complaints or problems.

2012 Rule:  Don't greet him with complaints and problems - he will be well aware of them before he gets home due to your text messages/tweets/facebook posts.

1955 Rule: Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

2012 Rule: Don't complain if he stays out all night.  Your silence will scare him more than anything, and it will be minor compared to the punishment you'll have in store for him

1955 Rule: Make him comfortable.  Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom.  Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

2012 Rule: Make him comfortable.  Let him relax on the couch and enjoy a drink or two before you ask for a back massage.

1955 Rule: Arrange his pillows and offer to take his shoes.  Speak in a low, soothing, and pleasant voice.

2012 Rule: Arrange the pillows and blankets on the couch for your comfort.  Offer to take the remote from him if he doesn't change the f'ing TV to something other than Sports Center.  Speak in a low, soothing, and pleasant tone so he doesn't accuse you of being "bitchy."

1955 Rule: Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity.  Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.  You have no right to question him

2012 Rule:  Don't ask him questions about his internet browser history, and in turn he probably won't ask you about the new dress hanging in the closet, or how much the bag full of fall scented Bath & Body Works candles you just brought home was.  He knows you're the master of the house, and you will always exercise your will with fairness...probably if you're feeling like it.  He has no right to question you...or your credit card statement.

1955 Rule: A good wife always knows her place.

2012 Rule: A good wife always lets her husband know his place.